this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
