a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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