I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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