shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
