There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Randomize
