Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Randomize
