I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
