oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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