if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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