I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
