two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
