walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
