Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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