I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
