On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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