What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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