My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
