just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Randomize
