he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
