You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
