if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
