come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
