I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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