Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize