two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
