Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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