I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
