did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
