they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
