I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
