When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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