I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
