I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
