Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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