I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
