Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
