There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
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