You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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