you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
