why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Actions speak louder than pants.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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