1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
