I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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