May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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