Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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