i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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