Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
