I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
