I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
