my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
