When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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