if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
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When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
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Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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