cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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