i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
