Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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