Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
