I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
