I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
