I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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