I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
