But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I need moral support for this bender
She needs sedatives and a leash
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Randomize
