just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
