There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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