just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
