I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
