After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
