i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Randomize
