Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
