I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
