By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
