I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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