I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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