remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
