I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
