Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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