she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize