he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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