soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
