someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
